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To Be Nice To Myself

By Hakamme, June 27, 2019

Read time: 3 Mins

To Be Nice To Myself Image

I find it really hard to make the decision to be kind to myself sometimes.

If I heard someone I love talking about themselves the way I talk to myself sometimes, I’d tell them they deserve better.

I tell my friends they deserve rest, they deserve to be proud of the goodness they’ve put into the world, they deserve to feel loved – by themselves and those around them. It’s a lot easier to say these things to other people than it is to make the decision to say it all to yourself.

A lot of the time I say I’m going to make decisions that are self-serving, in a good way:

‘I’m deciding to give myself a day each week where I don’t work’

‘I’m deciding to not be so hard on myself’

‘I’m deciding to think about the things I am proud of’

‘I’m deciding to eat well, look after my body’

‘I’m deciding to allow myself time to see my friends’

‘I’m deciding to tell myself I deserve nice things’

‘I’m deciding to not feel guilty about giving myself time to rest or have fun’

The thing I decide less often is to follow through with it all.

I think this is all, partly, because I feel a responsibility to make the world a kinder, more ethical place, and I don’t know where looking after myself fits into that.

Writing that out, I know it’s silly. I know because I’ve told people a million times, ‘an empty cup can’t fill another’, ‘an unlit candle can’t light another’. What is wrong with me and why can’t I decide to listen to the quite sensible things I tell other people?

Is it sad that I only think self-care should exist so that I can help others more after? Is it selfish to do self-care just for the sake of it – what if that was all I ever did? I don’t really think I’ve decided on the answer to this dilemma, though if I did I think I’d be happier. I think that’s one thing I’ve decided on: self-care can be baths and facemasks and nice times, but mostly it’s addressing your issues and facing your fears and insecurities. That sort of self-care is hard and gross and tiring, but it’s the one that purifies you the most.

I think I decided to write this mostly for myself – is that bad? I think I decided that if I put it down in words, I’ll be forced to decide to be better to me. I think I decided, too, that doing so might help other people who have the same problem. I think I’m deciding I don’t have to know everything and I can present myself as a work in progress without feeling like not enough.

So this is that and I’ve decided to be fine with it.

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