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Sometimes I Get Confused

By Ruby, July 31, 2019

Read time: 3 Mins

Sometimes I Get Confused Image

Life is a really big thing.

If you identify more with being a bunny than being a young adult, like me, sometimes it can be really confusing to try and understand how to exist in a world where you feel like you need to have everything together at any given moment. It’s tricky learning to be a young adult in a digital age, it almost feels like you’re two different people at any given time. IRL Ruby is studying, likes to stay home and play with her puppies, loves drawing snakes, and has acne. Instagram Ruby socialises, freelances and wears pretty clothes every day. But in reality, are either of these people entirely me? Sometimes I get confused.

I think influencer culture has played a big part in how I feel about myself. Since a young teenager, I’ve poured all of my money into everything from booty bands to protein powders to flimsy dresses and anything in between. As soon as I see that a cute girl with nice filters over her photos is marketing a product, something in me feels excited and guilty all at the same time, and off I go to add to my collection of bad internet buys. I stopped having enough money to buy fresh flowers or books to read. Just a little slave to AfterPay. And the worrying part is, I know I am absolutely not alone in feeling this way.

In influencer theory, I was so happy, and my life was perfecto. I was working out at the gym everyday with my trendy activewear and equipment, drinking superfood-packed clean smoothies each morning, my outfits made me look like I’d stepped directly out of the #OOTD hashtag – but I had never felt so sad or alone. As an added lil’ speckle of confusion, I’m a junior graphic designer. Will I be able to have a successful career in this day and age if I don’t have a juicy Instagram following? Will anyone want to hire me and care about the kind of work I am creating? The answer to this is, and any other query related to whether the quality of my life will change depending on my online influence, is that everything is going to be just fine.

I feel like it’s expected that everyone has to be making money and working and studying and all these other things, but it’s really ok to sometimes just enjoy cuddling your poodles and not wanting to go to the club. Read books you love, cuddle your friends, watch the clouds, look at the sky. Have sleepovers, bake cookies, eat carbs and have the time of your life away from the internet’s tight grasp. Let yourself radiate! Glow, glow, glow, baby!

How do you work out what version of ‘you’ is actually YOU? Don’t allow the lust of wealthy 20-somethings online posting photos of their heavily curated wonderlands make you feel like your journey isn’t happening fast enough or in the ‘right’ way. Life is the longest and shortest thing you’re ever going to experience, so take your time and enjoy discovering every single aspect of yourself, the happy and the sad, and nurture everything you find. Trust me, that is how you’ll find YOU.

To all the other half human/half hamster hybrids out there feeling a bit confused, know that you’re not alone. There are no right or wrong answers in this life, just what feels just right for you. You are so special and nobody else will ever be the same as you, so enjoy the process of discovering what that means. Everyone is enough just the way they are. I wish a little fairy could whisper that in the ear of influencers too. Stay in your power and know that you are always enough, even if you feel a bit confused.

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