I am insecure, and nobody can change that except myself.
“I feel ugly “
“I look so ugly today”
“I don’t want to take group pictures at parties I am having fun at because I feel ugly”
Those words linger through my thoughts and feelings
Through social beauty standards
I hide my face with my hair
I stopped putting effort into making myself feel nice
Because all I see is made up and effortless beauty
But beauty is more than that
It is more than what you see on the surface
And it took a long time for me to realize that
Compliments from my friends, mom, boyfriend, strangers on the internet help
But what’s the point of planting a flower when you’re not going to water it?
I realize that I, myself, have to water their compliments by being easy on myself
That I should be nice to myself too
That I should feel okay giving myself a compliment even if it’s full of doubt at first
Because growth takes time and it is okay to take baby steps
I started to do my hair
I started to look at the clouds and make myself feel nice
I started taking care of me, again.
And yes, I still have those days where I just want to put my hair down, hide behind my hoodies and my sweatpants
And that is okay
Because beauty is not made up
It is you being you.
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