It is very difficult coming to terms with not being in control all the time.
It pains me to go off script and to derail any fantasy that I’ve curated in my mind about how my teenage years should play out. I’m so focused on living out the teen indie coming-of-age trope often portrayed in films, that life is passing me by silently.
The obsession with playing the perfect song (Ribs by Lorde) at the perfect time while walking to the bus stop, pretending like the world and everyone in it is against me, and dramatically laying in my bed has occupied a good portion of my time. Understanding that no matter how much I obsess over the events that are inevitably going to transpire in my life, nothing will ever go exactly how I want it to, took (and still takes!) time.
The sad result of having expectations about how events should transpire always comes with being let down… but if I’ve learned one thing in my short time on earth, it’s that if you selflessly put love out into the world and expect nothing back, love will surely return to you and I think that’s beautiful.Return to issues